Carrie 2013 Trailer: Notice Something?

Did you see that?

That they just showed THE WHOLE DAMN movie in this trailer?!?

Ok sure, I like they put Hit Girl in there and I am a big Julianne Moore fan but it looks like the just made Depalma's 1976 classic again. It was all there: Tampons, child abuse, religious zealotry, crazy mom, they're all gonna laugh at you, telekinesis, prom queen conspiracy, pigs blood. I'm surprised they didn't show John Travolta with a hammer saying "Git 'er done!"

In the trailer.

I'm sure there might be a few new things here and there and some better effects but I won't be going to investigate this because I've already seen most of the movie.

SPOILER ALERT: Carrie goes nuts and kills everyone, you might hear the phrase "dirty pillows", and a hand pops out of the grave at the end.

Mind you some of people have known this since the '70s.

Call me a little crazy but I think the remake bar has been raised significantly. 

Evil Dead 2013

If you want blood! You got it!

The Evil Dead remake was not so much a movie as it was a ride. By the end of it everyone in the group that I went with was exhausted. We cringed, we cried, we hid our eyes in disgust, and all told stories of which parts were most brutal to us. We laughed, we cheered, we questioned our very morals at the things that we were taking joy in.

When I heard there was to be an Evil Dead remake I experienced the exact outrage that many of us felt when hearing the news. Some things are sacred and just seem completely pointless in redoing. Evil Dead being remade just seemed like something that would be so daunting that there would be no point in throwing it into the remake it craze. But this Fede Alvarez cat had the balls to do it.

I love Evil Dead II. Picking your favorite horror movie to a fan boy like me seems like a pointless task but when it all comes down to it Evil Dead II is the one I rewatch the most. Bruce Campbell's performance is absolute genius and when you take a character and legacy like that and decided to role the dice by remaking it you are stepping into dangerous territory. Pointless territory some would say. But then Bruce Campbell endorsed the project. Sang it's praises. Maybe. Just maybe this remake could work.

There was hope. All the right people were saying all the right things. Then the red band trailer hit:

I was sold.

Finally it came out and it was everything that I was hoping for. I was hoping for blood and fun set in a cabin in the woods. I got all of that and more. The directing was wonderful, the violence was gut wrenching and over the top. Implements of pain were presented in a manner that made you feel it.

These bastards had the balls to call it the most terrifying film you will ever experience right on the poster.

I was there with some grizzled horror veterans and we all called it a ride. Members of my group even admitted to not being scared by a horror movies in ages but were genuinely terrified at this one.

Fede Alvarez respected the material and was an obvious student of it. You can't ask for much out of a bunch of kids getting killed in the woods but you get everything you want. I never would have imagined a remake of Evil Dead with no Bruce Campbell would ever be the cinematic success that I witnessed on scream this past weekend.

Bring some friends and buckle up for the ride.

The Bloody Jug Band

The Bloody Jug Band are what would happen if the Devil fucked the Country Bear Jamboree.

Seriously.

Just look at these fucking guys (and gal):

Needless to say I fucking love this band. So much love that they deserve the three fucks that have already been given at this point. We caught the Bloody Jug Band at a Spooky Empire horror convention and luckily enough a member of our party was able to see through the haze of alcohol induced debauchery enough to realize this was some awesome in front of us and picked up a CD. Since then the Jug Band has been a part of my regular listening rotation.

It's not often in life when that album comes along that just hits on all cylinders for you but Coffin Up Blood sure as hell does. My music has always been punk rock but now, as I make my way into the middle age of life, I've grown more musically diverse in my need for "more". I've been enjoying a mess of acoustic punk lately, a lot of psychobilly, and even this country/bluegrass revival "ish" type of noise you hear from the likes of The Goddamn Gallows. Throw all of that stuff in a mixing jar, add a touch of my love of horror, and pour that shit over awesome. Serve that concoction up with a side of macabre showmanship and there you have The Bloody Jug Band.

Guitars, mandolin, washtub bass, bloody jug, harmonica, a washboard played by a devil sounding mad man and the sultry sounds of Stormy Jean all point in the direction of a dark, moss covered, swamp road. When a tire blows on your car and you find yourself stranded and lacking cell phone service one can only assume that god awful death from terrible forces are all that await you in this cliche moment. Off in the distance there is music from a run down cabin hidden deep in the swamp. Not one to wait one on your supernatural killer it seems a reasonable idea to check in this cabin. Maybe they have a phone? But in all likelihood all that they have are knives and an unquenchable craving for flesh. When you enter the cabin your senses are attacked by all manner of devil, demon, and abominations not meant for human eyes. Beyond their twisted acts of depravity is one band to entertain them. That band?

Fucking Right

Such is the imagery of the Bloody Jug Band. It feels like a story more than just an album. It's very nice right now that they are small band to the Florida scene but I can easily see these guys growing and cultivating their own little cult following. I haven't been able to stop listening to Coffin Up Blood and I can't suggest enough that everyone do what they can to help support this band. It will be hard to follow up such a great album but if anyone can do it it's these crazy folks.

Check them out at:

The Bloody Jug Band

5/5

Nexus

When it media is at it's best it is amazing. When books are at their best it is the best form of media. When I have a 5/5 star book that I can't put down nothing is better. A great movie is wonderful, a good video game is addictive but nothing compares to when you get lost in your own mind when you are stuck in a book.

There is nothing better then getting all the way to the end of a book and it's hard for you to do anything else for a minute because you are still stuck in that world.

Nexus by Ramez Naam is one of those books.

A new sub genre of science fiction that I have come to love most is predictive futurism. It's stuff that is possibly a few years in the future and is the next potential ground breaking changes in our society. Nexus is just full of this stuff.

Nexus is a drug that lets your hack your brain. The story that revolves around it is very fun as it unwraps in a kind of Bourne Identity espionage/man on the inside kind of way but the implications are much more. Phrases like "post human" and "super intelligence" abound in this book and the questions that are brought up and the characters they flow through are put together well and as it all unfolds its hard to not want to ask for more.

5/5

Paranorman

It seems the movie industry right now is going through a big explosion of kid monster stuff. Which I am all for. We just had Hotel Transylvania, Frankenweenie, and the subject of this Paranorman. I love monsters and goth macabre stuff when it is mixed with aniclaykiddiemationy type stuff. It's a perfect condradiction for me. So naturally I should have gone and seen all of these flicks right?

NO!

Fuck the theater. Seriously.

The good part about putting off blockbusters is when they happily drop in your lap and you get to enjoy them from the comfort of your own couch. So let me tell you enjoy Paranorman I did. Kids adventure, monsters, fantastic animation and a very dark humor. The character were amazing, the plot deeper than you'd expect, and hands down one of the funnest movie going experiences I have had.

Hotel Transylvania and Frankenweenie have got one mountain to climb for them to be any better than Paranorman in my book because Coraline, Corpse Bride, and the Nightmare Before Christmas have all been taken down a notch.

5/5

May

"May never really fit in and growing up with a pirate's patch to cover her lazy eye did not make things easier. Even as an adult her best friend and sole companion is a doll given to her by her mother... until she sees Adam. In awe of his beauty especially his hands she pursues a relationship for the first time in her life. But she soon finds out that people are not 100% perfect... only certain parts of them are!"

Well here comes the anxiety of the risks of dating and psycho women again thanks to May. But all of that aside it is an outstanding movie from Lucky McKee. I heard a lot about May in the run up to the release of The Woman. Like The Woman this movie was made from outstanding performances and direction. I guess it is safe to say that I am on board the Lucky McKee wagon and will see any of his future films for his outstanding ability to get the most out of his actors and really set an excellent atmosphere through music and direction. Like The Woman extra consideration needs to be given to Angela Bettis as the shy, awkward, and obviously not quite right in the head May. What's most disturbing about May is how you are charmed by this poor girl who doesn't fit in and though you know she's a complete psycho and bad things are going to happen you fall for her none the less. Well worth the time for horror fans and fans of excellent performances.

4/5

Fuck off Bank Of America!

Well today was the day I finally officially closed my Bank of America accounts. I know it's taken me forever but sometimes these things require a lot of efforts with direct deposits and subscriptions and what not. But it's done. I was ecstatic to make today the day after waking up to this headline on Huffington Post:

BofA Plan To Charge Customers Unless They Buy More Products, Have Enough Money: Report

So the best part? I GET TO KEEP MY CHAT LOG. The best part in this conversation is when the rep says please trust us. Also he assured me that I wouldn't get charged any $5 fee on my accounts after I had just gotten charged a $12 fee. I just started copying and pasting from the above article and then from this article called 11 Ways Bank of America Practices Hurt Americans by Gordon Whitman. 

I think the whole thing is pretty hilarious and worth the read. I thought the drone was nice enough and just going through the scripts. I hope Quality Assurance reads it.

Welcome to an online chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Bank of America Online Banking Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. Your current wait time is approximately 0 minutes. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for choosing Bank of America. You are now being connected to a Chat Specialist. For security purposes, please remember to close your chat window when completed.

James: Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer!

James: My name is James.  

James: To begin with, may I please have your full name and the last four digits of your checking account?  

You: Greg ****** ****

James: Thank you, Greg.

James: How may I help you today with your personal checking and savings?  

You: I'd like to close my accounts

James: Let me check that for you and do my best to help you in this matter.

James: Please allow me few moments to check this for you.

James: Greg, may I know if the reason for this account closures is monthly fees?

You: (Reuters) - Bank of America Corp is planning to introduce a monthly fee for its customers holding checking accounts unless they agree to bank online, buy more products or maintain certain balances, the Wall Street Journal said. The report on the new fee initiative at the nation's second-largest bank comes after it had faced a major consumer backlash last year when it disclosed plans for a $5-per-month debit card fee, forcing the bank to drop the plan. Bank of America pilot programs in Arizona, Georgia and Massachusetts now are experimenting with charging $6 to $9 a month for an "Essentials" account, the paper said. The options being tested include monthly charges of $9, $12, $15 and $25 but give customers opportunities to avoid the payments by maintaining minimum balances, using a credit card or taking a mortgage with the bank, the Journal said, citing a memo distributed to employees. Banks, in general, are looking for ways to build revenue lost to new regulations that curb debit card swipe fees. Bank of America could not immediately be reached for comment outside regular U.S. business hours.

James: Greg, if you wish I can convert your account as a Free E-banking account, no monthly fees are charged. No minimum balance required, no direct deposits required.

James: The best part is even the account, debit card number remains the same.

You: Couple that with the $5 thing yall tried to push plus being a large economy wrecking mess of a big bank it's pretty safe to say I'm over your shit

James: Greg, be assured that its just a rumor, we are not charging any $5 fee on your accounts.

You: Still I'm over it. Bank of America can eat a dick.

You: So if you're not charging any $5 dollar fee does that mean you will refund that $12 fee i just got hit with?

James: Greg, please do trust in us. we will make sure that you will be not charged with any monthly fee on your checking account. sure if you wish I can refund this $12.00 fee and  I can convert the account for you now.

You: Sure please refund that fee and then close the accounts. Did you really say please trust in us? That's hilarious

Last text message receivedJames: Greg, you have been a valued Bank of America customer since many years and definitely we do not want to lose a customer like you.

You: Illegal and unnecessary foreclosures: Bank of America operates the largest foreclosure mill in the history of the United States. It has denied hundreds of thousands of families a fair opportunity to save their homes, more than any other bank in America. According to media reports it has repeatedly taken people's homes illegally. After participating in the HAMP program for nearly two years, Bank of America has offered permanent loan modifications to less than 80,000 families. That is less than one-in-five who are eligible for help! (Source: U.S. Treasury Department, Making Home Affordable Program, Servicer Participation Report Through October 2010.)

You: Stringing borrowers along and then taking their homes: Bank of America has by far the worst record of stringing homeowners along for months and then taking their homes. Under the HAMP program banks are supposed to offer homeowners permanent loan modifications after they have completed three months of a trial modification. More than two-thirds of all families with trial modifications from Bank of America have been waiting for longer than six months for a permanent loan modification. Bank of America's conversion rate to permanent loan modifications is the lowest of all of the major banks. And of those who were denied help under HAMP, only 14 percent received alternative in-house modifications from Bank of America compared to 31 percent at JP Morgan Chase, 27 percent at Citibank, and 40 percent at Wells Fargo.

You: Refusing to prevent foreclosures even when it is good for homeowners and investors: Bank of America puts its interest as a servicer ahead of the interests of investors, homeowners and the economy by consistently refusing to modify principal. Most borrowers at-risk of foreclosure are underwater on their mortgages, but very few of the loan modifications by Bank of America reduce principal, which is often essential for people to be able to stay in their homes and continue paying their mortgages. Principal reduction is good because investors continue to collect mortgage payments and avoid costly foreclosures, and fewer foreclosures take place, helping stabilize the housing market. Bank of America receives subsidies from the Treasury for lowering principal balances. However the bank still refuses to do so in all but a fraction of cases.

You: Neglecting vacant property: It is likely that Bank of America owns hundreds of thousands of vacant properties. Many are not being maintained. Bank of America/Countrywide is listed as one of the worst banks in caring for lender-owned properties on the website Lender Offender.

You: Bad Customer Service: Bank of America has the worst customer service performance of the eight largest servicers in the Treasury's Making Home Affordable Program. It has the longest hold times, the highest abandoned call rate, and longest time period to resolve complaints. So many people have reported having to send Bank of America paperwork over and over that the bank is synonymous with lost documents.

You: Keep going?

James: Greg, I definitely understand about all the fees charged on your account, I agree with you that we were not able to guide you through the correct accounts which suits you better to avoid the monthly fees but please give me an opportunity to help you and set up the best account where you will be not charged with any monthly fee.

You: Distorting democracy: Bank of America spent more than six million dollars in 2010 to win special favors from elected officials. This included $1.6 million in federal political donations, $883,000 in donations to state-level candidates, and $3.6 million on lobbying.

You: Seriously close my accounts

James: Sure, I understand. Let me waive the fee and close your accounts.

James: Just a minute please.

James: Greg, as per your request I have closed your accounts, Your service request number is:  (*******).

James: Expected Resolution Date: 03/06/2012

James: No further action is required on your part to remove the account from your Online Banking list of accounts. Once the request is complete, the account will automatically drop from your Online Banking profile.

James: Please be aware that the closing of your account will not be completed if any outstanding items post to the account. Please note that all outstanding or recurring transactions are your responsibility. You should contact any third party that you have authorized to initiate debits or credits to your account and instruct them to discontinue those transactions.

Last text message receivedJames: Is there anything else I may assist you today apart from this?

You: You've been a big help James thanks a lot.

You: But Bank of America can FUCK OFF!